Category: Self Care

They Don't Tell You this about Self-Care

4/7/2025

When you were growing up, were you ever told that you were being selfish? Did other adults ever tease your parents about how spoiled you were?

Or maybe there was nothing so explicit, but you had the vague feeling that you were a bother, or that other people's needs were more important than your own?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, like I did, it's possible that all those things happened. And they were all true during my early years.

One of the things they don't tell those of us who grew up that way is how hard it's going to be to give yourself permission to take good care of yourself.

You know that movie where the call is coming from inside the house? Well, once you get to adulthood, it's you who will get in the way of the self-care you deserve.

Let's take a closer look at this phenomenon...

While self-care is essential for your well-being, prioritizing it will likely require more than just setting aside time. Making it a priority involves a deeper commitment to valuing yourself and to making choices that support your energy and peace.

Here are the things no one tells you about what it really takes to make self-care a priority...

It's Probably Going to Feel Uncomfy at First

But those feelings of discomfort don't mean that the choice you're making, to take better care of yourself, is wrong. Shifting your focus to yourself can bring up discomfort, resistance, and even guilt. You might have to unlearn some of your old beliefs, let go of habits that no longer serve you, and redefine what self-care actually means to you.

And it's normal to experience discomfort, or to resist change. You might feel guilty for saying no, taking breaks, or setting boundaries.

If you have spent years putting others first, focusing on yourself may not feel right. You may worry about disappointing people or feel like you should be doing something “more productive” with your time.

But over time, as you continue to prioritize yourself, the discomfort will fade. The more consistent you are with self-care, the easier it will become to see it as an important and necessary part of your life.

You'll Let Go of What No Longer Serves You as You Become
More Self-Aware

I've lived with some self-care shoulds over the years that I eventually had to let go of because they no longer fit.

For example, I use to have it in my head that I should meditate for an hour a day, right after I woke up. But over time, I realized that any time spent meditating was good for me, no matter what time of day I did.

Are you aware of any self-care shoulds? I am still learning to ask myself if new self-care ideas are actually right for me, or just something I think I should do.

These kinds of realizations and changes are a normal part of the process.

When you start choosing self-care, you become more aware of what drains you and what nourishes you. And sometimes it will surprise you.

For example, I think of myself as a night owl, but I actually feel better and have better days if I get up early in the morning, instead of sleeping in.

Some things just stop working well for you, the way they once did, whether that's familiar habits, comfortable routines or relationships you thought were forever.

You'll Have to Let Go of Societal Conditioning about Productivity

As someone with several chronic but invisible illnesses, I have had to learn to do this myself.

Society taught us to equate our worth with productivity. You may have learned that being busy is a badge of honor and a sign of success, while rest is seen as laziness.

Having that mindset can make it difficult to prioritize self-care without feeling guilty. But to make self-care a true priority, you'll have to let it go.

Taking care of yourself is never a waste of time.

And when you can completely let go of the idea that you must always be doing something, you will give yourself permission to slow down, recharge, and focus on what truly matters.

By the way, perfectionism is a close cousin of the productivity rule.

And for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, it would be second nature to try to make self-care another thing you need to do “right.” You might think you need the perfect routine, the right tools, or a certain amount of time to practice self-care the right way.

But real self-care is not about perfection.

It's really about meeting yourself where you are and doing what feels good in the moment.

Some days, self-care might be a long, relaxing routine. Other days, it might be simply taking a few deep breaths.

I've had to let go of the idea that it should be the same every day.

Perfectionism makes self-care another task or obligation on your to-do list. When we can let go of old programming about both perfection and productivity, then we'll really be free.

Does this post resonate with you? Tell me what you think in the comments section.

Have a great weekend!

Love, Jeanine

16 Comments

Aftermath of the 2024 U.S. Election: Message for Lightworkers

11/7/2024

2 Comments

“If we don’t show up tomorrow, it is entirely possible that we will not have the opportunity to cast a ballot again. America stands on the precipice of danger and those reluctant to vote for a presidential candidate risk relinquishing their control to an authoritarian regime.” - Oprah Winfrey, one day before the election.

Early Wednesday morning, on Novemver 6th, 2024, it was announced that Kamala Harris had lost the election. In response to that loss, understandably, many of her supporters are afraid.

When malevolence has been empowered on the national stage, responding with fear makes sense. And when you hoped for a different outcome, then you've sustained a loss, and feelings of grief are inevitable.

But then you have to find a way to cope and to move forward, so that you don't implode. Today, I want to share my own response and how I'm coping.

First, this, though. If you're feeling fear right now, as you are reading this, I want you to take several slow, deep breaths before you continue reading.

Remember: You will never be able to truly cancel out your fear. "There will always be fear, but it's important to remember that fear doesn't need to halt you," Raquel Martin, licensed clinical psychologist, told USA TODAY. "You can operate with a healthy level of fear."

What I'm Feeling
& How I'm Coping

I'm experiencing both grief and fear since the election, and here is what I am doing about it...

Giving myself as much love as I can and allowing love from the divine. One of the things I tell myself when I need to hear it (and now, am offering to you) is, "you are not alone. You are being tended to with love."

Reminding myself that fear constricts, but love ripples and empowers. Fear dissolves you, but love dissolves fear.

Acknowledging that when malevolence has been empowered, fear is a normal human response. But positional power cannot take away true power - it can only be given away. And I'm going to do my best to hang on to mine.

So my intention today (and for every tomorrow), in response to my own fear and grief is to sit with it, in and as love, and at the same time, offer those feelings to God.

I’m also going to use other mindful practices such as meditation and deep breathing to brings me back to the present moment. My hope is that these small acts of self-care and connection to the divine will bring me peace even as I continue grieving.

And by nurturing love, both for myself and others, I’m going to do my best to be the change I wish to see—a world where compassion and understanding prevail over fear and division.

Here are some ideas for managing your own grief and fear...

Self-Care Practices for Managing Your Grief and Fear

(1) Try to Connect with Nature: Nature has a grounding effect and may absorb some of your feelings as you experience it. I don't always get out in it, myself, but I find videos, and my own window view, to be powerful, too.

(2) Reach Out to those You Love: Talk to your friends and family and share what you’re feeling. You're not alone. And you can remind them that they're not alone. We’re going to need each other.

(3) Mindfulness Practices: Make meditation, journaling, or mindfulness exercises part of your daily routine. These practices will get you back to the present moment and help to lessen feelings of overwhelm.

(4) Limit Media Time: Stay aware of how much news and social media you consume. I know it’s important stay informed, but watch out for doomscrolling or overexposure, because that will probably make your anxiety worse. Protect yourself with boundaries to safeguard your wellbeing.

(5) Get Professional Support if Needed: If your grief and fear feel too overwhelming, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your needs.

I have a therapist, and I’m looking forward to talking to her, so she can help me process my feelings about the election.

I also want to share a process I learned yesterday that I found really helpful.

The Two-Point Process

A friend of mine shared this video with me, and when I tried it, I felt better immediately. I don't know if it would be helpful to you, but I wanted to share it, in case you do find it helps.

As I come to the end of this post, I want to remind you that it's okay to feel what you're feeling, and you’re not alone. Stay connected to your sacred self, put self-care practices into place that will help you cope and reach out for help if and when you need it.

Love, Jeanine

2 Comments

They Don't Tell You this about Self-Care

It's Probably Going to Feel Uncomfy at First

You'll Let Go of What No Longer Serves You as You Become
More Self-Aware

You'll Have to Let Go of Societal Conditioning about Productivity

Aftermath of the 2024 U.S. Election: Message for Lightworkers

What I'm Feeling
& How I'm Coping

Self-Care Practices for Managing Your Grief and Fear

The Two-Point Process

Hi, I'm Jeanine

Archives

Categories

They Don't Tell You this about Self-Care

It's Probably Going to Feel Uncomfy at First

You'll Let Go of What No Longer Serves You as You Become ​More Self-Aware

You'll Have to Let Go of Societal Conditioning about Productivity

Aftermath of the 2024 U.S. Election: Message for Lightworkers

What I'm Feeling ​& How I'm Coping

Self-Care Practices for Managing Your Grief and Fear

The Two-Point Process

Hi, I'm Jeanine

Archives

Categories

You'll Let Go of What No Longer Serves You as You Become
More Self-Aware

What I'm Feeling
& How I'm Coping