July is Pivotal

Recently, I came across a decades-old high school yearbook picture from 1980. I was 15 years old.

In that picture, I saw my light, I saw my joy. It's the first time I have really understood that the real me has always been there.

But how I looked in the picture was not a reflection of the pain I felt inside. And although I think, now, that I looked adorable, back then I was convinced I was ugly.

I really had no idea who I was back then. But I'm getting to know the real me, now.
​

We're at a Turning Point

In this video, Kerry K. talks about taking the hardest thing you've ever struggled with and giving yourself permission to become the person whose life now mirrors the opposite. Using herself as an example, she shares that she once was homeless and now, is in the process of building a new home.

Who will I be as Kerry the landowner, she asks.

And she challenges us to do the math when it comes to our own histories.

But more than one thing comes to mind for me. 

Do I start with the story that begins with my own longing for home while growing up in a home that felt bleak, dreary and grey and eventually leads to my being homeless, too?

Am I going to have a place to live or where am I going to end up were questions that popped up several times before I was officially homeless and a couple of times since. When I wrote this post, I was still waiting to hear back about an application I submitted for an apartment.

But is homelessness bigger than the identity struggles that arose as a result of childhood incest and sexual abuse? Or the difficulties I had with being myself, instead of my mother?

I think home, trauma and am I my mother might weigh the same. And I'd like to pivot on all of them.

To me, that would mean being cozy, safe and happy in a home I love, fully embodying the innocence and joy that were taken from me, and knowing and being the me that is not and never was my formidable (never let 'em see you sweat) mother.

In what ways might you pivot?

Create Your Own Internal Reality

The political landscape is heartbreakingly bleak?
Be fully present & embodied and stay connected to your divine self.

The people in your life keep arguing with you?
Be fully present & embodied and stay connected to your divine self.

You have chronic illnesses (like I do?)
Be fully present & embodied and stay connected to your divine self.

You need a job or hate the one you have?
Be fully present & embodied and stay connected to your divine self.

You have a problem I haven't mentioned?
Be fully present & embodied and stay connected to your divine self.

I would say that is what to do every day of your life, no matter what's happening. But that's actually Kerry's point, too, in the video.

In the false matrix, the way to elevate your experience was to change your external reality. 

But now, we can change our own energy, and radiate a frequency that will have an impact on everyone and everything around us.

It sounds similar to manifestation advice that says something like "live there now," but when that is a mental trick, it doesn't work very well. On the other hand, this is an actual energetic change which works like turning on a light in a dark room.

So if it's possible for your inner goddess to radiate your light and initiate change, where would you aim her?

See you next time!

love, Jeanine
​