They Don't Tell You this about Self-Care

When you were growing up, were you ever told that you were being selfish? Did other adults ever tease your parents about how spoiled you were?

Or maybe there was nothing so explicit, but you had the vague feeling that you were a bother, or that other people's needs were more important than your own?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, like I did, it's possible that all those things happened. And they were all true during my early years.

One of the things they don't tell those of us who grew up that way is how hard it's going to be to give yourself permission to take good care of yourself. 

You know that movie where the call is coming from inside the house? Well, once you get to adulthood, it's you who will get in the way of the self-care you deserve.

Let's take a closer look at this phenomenon...
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While self-care is essential for your well-being, prioritizing it will likely require more than just setting aside time. Making it a priority involves a deeper commitment to valuing yourself and to making choices that support your energy and peace.

Here are the things no one tells you about what it really takes to make self-care a priority...
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It's Probably Going to Feel Uncomfy at First

​But those feelings of discomfort don't mean that the choice you're making, to take better care of yourself, is wrong. Shifting your focus to yourself can bring up discomfort, resistance, and even guilt. You might have to unlearn some of your old beliefs, let go of habits that no longer serve you, and redefine what self-care actually means to you. 

And it's normal to experience discomfort, or to resist change. You might feel guilty for saying no, taking breaks, or setting boundaries.

If you have spent years putting others first, focusing on yourself may not feel right. You may worry about disappointing people or feel like you should be doing something “more productive” with your time.

But over time, as you continue to prioritize yourself, the discomfort will fade. The more consistent you are with self-care, the easier it will become to see it as an important and necessary part of your life.

You'll Let Go of What No Longer Serves You as You Become
​More Self-Aware

I've lived with some self-care shoulds over the years that I eventually had to let go of because they no longer fit.

For example, I use to have it in my head that I should meditate for an hour a day, right after I woke up. But over time, I realized that any time spent meditating was good for me, no matter what time of day I did.

Are you aware of any self-care shoulds? I am still learning to ask myself if new self-care ideas are actually right for me, or just something I think I should do.

These kinds of realizations and changes are a normal part of the process.

When you start choosing self-care, you become more aware of what drains you and what nourishes you. And sometimes it will surprise you.

For example, I think of myself as a night owl, but I actually feel better and have better days if I get up early in the morning, instead of sleeping in.

Some things just stop working well for you, the way they once did, whether that's familiar habits, comfortable routines or relationships you thought were forever.

You'll Have to Let Go of Societal Conditioning about Productivity

As someone with several chronic but invisible illnesses, I have had to learn to do this myself.

Society taught us to equate our worth with productivity. You may have learned that being busy is a badge of honor and a sign of success, while rest is seen as laziness.

Having that mindset can make it difficult to prioritize self-care without feeling guilty. But to make self-care a true priority, you'll have to let it go.

Taking care of yourself is never a waste of time.

And when you can completely let go of the idea that you must always be doing something, you will give yourself permission to slow down, recharge, and focus on what truly matters.

​By the way, perfectionism is a close cousin of the productivity rule. 

And for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, it would be second nature to try to make self-care another thing you need to do “right.” You might think you need the perfect routine, the right tools, or a certain amount of time to practice self-care the right way.

But real self-care is not about perfection. 

It's really about meeting yourself where you are and doing what feels good in the moment.

Some days, self-care might be a long, relaxing routine. Other days, it might be simply taking a few deep breaths.

I've had to let go of the idea that it should be the same every day.

Perfectionism makes self-care another task or obligation on your to-do list. When we can let go of old programming about both perfection and productivity, then we'll really be free.

Does this post resonate with you? Tell me what you think in the comments section.

Have a great weekend!

Love, Jeanine