Part 2: 10 Ways We Sabotage Ourselves & How to Stop

In yesterday's post, I linked to several of Brenda Fluharty's blog posts on self-sabotage, and today, I asked her to come back and do a guest post offering us more. Brenda is an author, poet, certified spiritual counselor and master healer. 

I occasioned both of these weekend posts because I know that you, like me, are a dedicated light priestess, here to help humanity ascend, who wants to live your new earth mission without getting in your own way.

But we do. And there's one thing I want to point out about that - when we sabotage ourselves, we are doing it out of love.

It's a way to prevent the painful thoughts and feelings you expect to have if things go wrong. And that's very kind, isn't it?

Trying to protect ourselves - that's a good thing. Kind of maternal, right?

We don't want to stop that. Where we want to intervene is with the limiting beliefs - that something will go wrong, and when it does, we won't be able to stand it.

In this post, Brenda's going to help us identify and explore what self-sabotage shows up in our lives. Once we are clear on how we experience it, we can begin to intervene, with love and compassion, and kindness.

10 Ways People Sabotage Themselves & How to Stop

Self-sabotage can silently hinder our progress and limit our potential. It can take on many forms, often going unnoticed by us. The first step in overcoming these patterns is to identify them.

Learn about ten ways people undermine themselves and techniques to address them.

​(1) Procrastination: Putting off tasks until the last minute or indefinitely can lead to missed opportunities and increased stress.

​Overcome procrastination by dividing tasks, setting deadlines, and giving yourself rewards.

(2) Negative Self-Talk: Constant self-criticism and doubt can erode self-confidence and motivation.

Practice self-compassion and challenge negative thoughts by replacing them with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives.

(3) Fear of Failure: The fear of failing can prevent people from taking risks and pursuing their goals.

Embrace failure as a learning opportunity and remind yourself that setbacks are a natural part of the journey toward success.

(4) Perfectionism: Striving for perfection can be paralyzing and lead to dissatisfaction with anything less than flawless results.

Aim for progress, not perfection, and recognize that mistakes are an essential part of growth and development.

(5) Lack of Boundaries: Over-committing and prioritizing others’ needs over your own can lead to burnout and resentment.

Set clear boundaries and learn to say no when necessary to protect your time and energy.

(6) Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like a fraud despite evidence of competence and success can undermine self-esteem and confidence.

Recognize your accomplishments and remind yourself that you deserve to be where you are.

(7) Self-Doubt: Doubting your abilities and worthiness can hold you back from seizing opportunities and reaching your full potential.

Cultivate self-belief by focusing on your strengths, setting achievable goals, and seeking support from others.

(8) Lack of Planning: Failing to set goals and create a roadmap for success can result in aimless drifting and missed opportunities.

Take time to define your objectives and develop a plan of action to achieve them.

(9) Comparison Trap: Constantly comparing yourself to others can breed envy and self-doubt, obscuring your unique talents and contributions.

Focus on your own journey and celebrate your progress, regardless of how it measures up to others.

(10) Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: Engaging in destructive habits such as procrastination, substance abuse, or unhealthy relationships can sabotage your well-being and goals.

Identify triggers for these behaviors and seek healthier coping mechanisms and support systems.

Overcoming self-sabotage requires self-awareness, patience, and commitment to personal growth. By recognizing these patterns and implementing strategies to counteract them, you can break free from self-imposed limitations and create a more fulfilling and successful life.

Remember, you are worthy of success and happiness, and you have the power to shape your own destiny.

Did You Find Yourself in that List?

Sheesh! I did.

​Skim what you've just read again, and identify the ones that resonate most with you.

Mine are fear of failure, perfectionism, imposter syndrome and self-doubt. I notice that mine all support each other, and not in a good way.

Take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. In yesterday's post, there's a link to a guided meditation Brenda wrote for self-sabotage.

But for now, I just want you to imagine, for a moment, that your ways of sabotaging yourself didn't exist. How would your life be different?

I think I would have an expansive sense of freedom running in the background of my experiences, along with a lot more joy.

But in order to experience life without self-sabotage, you have to get really present to how it shows up in your life. Use Brenda's journal prompts below to explore a little deeper...
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Journal Prompts for Self-Sabotage

(1) When do you typically notice yourself engaging in self-sabotaging behavior?

(2) What triggers these behaviors for you? Is it stress, fear, insecurity, or something else?

(3) How do you feel before, during, and after self-sabotaging actions?

(4) What are some patterns or recurring themes in your self-sabotage?

(5) Have you identified any underlying beliefs or thoughts that fuel your self-sabotage?

(6) What are the potential consequences of continuing to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors?

(7) What are some healthier coping mechanisms or strategies you can use when you feel the urge to self-sabotage?

(8) How can you practice self-compassion and forgiveness when you do slip up and engage in self-sabotaging behavior?

(9) Are there any past experiences or traumas that may be contributing to your self-sabotage?

(10) How can you cultivate a sense of self-awareness and mindfulness to better recognize and overcome self-sabotage in the future?

7-Day Journal Challenge

I'd like to encourage you to take on one of these prompts each day for the next 7 days. Light a tealight candle, make yourself a cup of tea, and curl up on the sofa with your journal. Don't want to write? Reflect on them each day, instead.
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And when you're finished, you can keep going with her new book and journal on self-sabotage. She is giving it away on her website here.

Many thanks to Brenda Fluharty for giving us a weekend dedicated to healing self-sabotage. 

See you guys tomorrow!

love, Jeanine
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